Tag Archives: Jimmy Rudolph

WZMB Under Siege by Ninja Zombies?!

Heyyy, Jazz Fans! Jimmy Rudolph here! I know I’m supposed to lay down some smooth jazz on you right now, but I can’t stop screaming! WZMB is under siege by ninja zombies! I kid you not! As sure as there are zombies, there are ninja zombies, and as sure as there are ninja zombies, there are a whole squad of ninja zombies right outside my sound proof door. I know, I know, I’ve said this before when I wanted to get on New York 1, but this time I mean it! Zombies with veils and sais doing triple somersaults over the bodies of the dead WZMB security team. I suppose we’ll have to pay for those funerals. But at least we’ll have to pay for mine. Still don’t believe me? Click the video below and see for yourself!

It all started out so beautifully! I had uncovered rumors and innuendo regarding Trocador and the new Bar Code Zombies, and to verify, I bravely sent Melissa into harm’s way to get the substantiating documents. (I sent Craig the intern in, too, but that wasn’t bravery, that was common sense.) And I had those rotten bastards that sponsor the show right where I wanted them. But now, in a horrific turn of events, the zombie ninjas have me just where they want me– cowering in my studio, hoping like hell that those sais can either pick locks or gut jazz DJs, but they can’t do both. I can’t look. And if you can’t look either, jazz fans, here’s an all-radio version of the horrific gore!

I wonder what Miles Davis felt in his last few moments before the zombies got him. Oh, you’re telling me the zombies didn’t get him? That he just looks that way?! I guess you’re just trying to cheer me up, fans, but there’s no point. Even if I survive, who’s going to clean up the mess out there? I really wish J-Bo were here right now. She could always make me laugh. Plus, she kills zombies. And good with a mop, let’s not forget that…

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Tame Zombies! Ninja Zombies! WZMB Zombie Radio Show Ep. 48! “After the Non-Lovin’…”

Can you tame ninja zombies? Can you ninja-fy tame zombies? Find out in this week’s episode of Zombie Radio Show, with Jazz-meister Jimmy Rudolph! In this week’s fester; Jimmy is certain it’s just stress and doesn’t want to talk about it! Trocador unveils the next generation in Bar Code Zombies; Can we please change the subject?! And J-Bo takes out Riker’s! With featured jazz artist Roy Eldridge! Zombie Radio Show– Radio you can See! Brought to you by Phantom at the Gershwin Theater!

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Jazz DJ Jimmy Rudolph of WZMB Zombie Radio Show

Jimmy Rudolph wants to know... Where have you been? It's 3 am!

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Jimmy Rudolph’s Funny Bootleg Vegas Video!

Well, I tried, Jazz Fans. I bribed, threatened, cajoled, and even brought my super-magnet into the New School editing bay. I did everything in my power to repress this awful video of me in Vegas! And it still erupted, like an undead B-film star, onto the Tube of You!So I say, if you can’t beat ’em, ball-gag ’em, and weep over their oiled up bodies without being caught on tape, then join ’em. Let me get some of those big fat YouTube bucks!

This is me at the Pollygrind Film Festival in Vegas-town, NV, where we were feted by the famous Chad Clinton Freeman. He invited the WZMB family out to host his ZombiePalooza night last October, and like idiots, we accepted. He was liberal with the tequila, but I make no excuses, my friends. I’m an adult, and I thought the girls were, too. By the way, J-Bo was there as well, and she is one mother of a bad influence. And we want to apologize to the bikers, but really, you should have walked away once you saw her tats. Y’know, I’m babbling, but I get nervous when I think of the assault soon to happen on your eyes. Please forgive me, and don’t flood me with negative comments. It’s all, the whole thing, it’s just so wrong…

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Happy Friday the 13th from WZMB!

Happy Friday the 13th, Jazz Fans!

Y’know, Friday the 13th used to be considered an unlucky day. People avoided walking under ladders, petting black cats, or stepping in front of out-of-control buses, doing their best to avoid misfortune. How things have changed. Every day is unlucky with zombies roaming the streets, and though Friday the 13th is no different, it’s certainly no worse.

Or is it?

Looks like the fates that used to play so capriciously with us are now turning their random mirth upon the brain eaters. Check out this video just submitted from the Zombie Watchers club, the group of legless fanatics which was famously ridiculed for believing in the existence of zombies before the Zombie Apocalypse, which now spends all it’s resources saying “We tode you os!” (Not the best spellers.) We see a pretty moldy zombie, walking on terrain that looks very much like a kitchen table, so we assume the video came from one of Mexico’s famous mesas. No matter its origin, it’s good to remember on Friday the 13th that zombies can have bad days, too. Enjoy!

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Happy Thanksgiving Day! From WZMB Zombie Radio Show!

Zombie Radio Show Graphic #1

Funny Zombies at WZMB Zombie Radio Show

Happy Thanksgiving from WZMB Zombie Radio Show!

Grateful for Funny Zombies? Heyyy, Jazz Fans, Jimmy Rudolph here. You know what I’m grateful for? You! I’m grateful for all the jazz fans who tune in every week and give a listen to WZMB Zombie Radio Show. You make my day with your comments, your questions, and your exquisite taste. Unless you’re here by accident, looking for porn. In which case, I’m grateful for your horny stupidity.

And I can’t think of anywhere I’d rather be than here at my studio, alone and yam-less, giving you another Jazz-filled episode of Zombie Radio Show. We’ll be giving you highlights of the Thanksgiving Day Parade, and talking to a happy NYC family. And of course, there’ll be jazz!

You know what I’m not grateful for? Having to work on Thanksgiving. Seriously. It sucks. Whatever.

Jazz DJ Jimmy Rudolph of WZMB Zombie Radio Show

Jimmy Rudolph wants to know... Where have you been? It's 3 am!

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Scary Movies– A Fond Remembrance Pt. 4 (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre)

Scary movies? I wish. Heyyy, Jazz Fans, Jimmy Rudolph here from WZMB Zombie Radio Show, and it’s Thanksgiving. That puts me in the mood for reminiscin’. I remember Dad and Uncle Bert watching the game, Mom drinking in the closet, Sis listening to Donovan on the portable turntable and flicking me with tampons. Good times.

But some of my fondest memories involve walking through the fallen autumn leaves with my buddy Stu Baderscher, taking the bus into the city and going to see the latest scare-fest at the old Grindhouse movie theaters in midtown New York City. There we could see a double feature, a few previews, a couple of shorts, have a popcorn and a gallon of soda, and all it cost us was our allowance, our trust fund passbooks, some epidermal layers and a little virtue. We went back often.

Leatherface-- The Hero of our Age!

One of the highlights of these trips, apart from getting punched by Mayor Ed Koch, (I thought he was a priest– turns out he’s Jewish!) was seeing “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre“. The film had such a gritty, realistic feel, with death erupting so randomly, the evil so mundane, and the ending so abrupt, it made Stu and I pinky swear that we would never go to Texas and risk being cut in half by crazed lunatics– whereupon some crazed Costa Ricans chased a guy through the theater with a chainsaw.

But times have changed since the zombie apocalypse. Looking back on those glory hole days, it seems amazing now that I ever found Tobe Hooper‘s movie scary. I even had my neighbor illegally download it for me, and far from screaming in terror, I found myself weeping whimsical tears of loss.

Maybe in the 70’s, a deformed man running around with a chain saw was scary, but now– well, it’s downright heroic. The fact is, we need more power-tool wielding lunatics out there. With zombies roaming the streets, how are we supposed to take back the city without Leatherface, or people like him? My own producer, Jamie Bogart, has been known to run with a Black and Decker on high, laughing as bloody chunks of flesh cover her from head to toe, and no one would call her a monster, would they? (Not to her face, anyway.) Nor is Leatherface a monster, anymore. Prepared with a functioning kill tool, dapper in his suit and tie, with a mask to keep the infected meat from invading his orifices, Leatherface is a hero for today.

The scene in the slaughterhouse, where one of the dead women suddenly sits up, has completely lost its punch in the zombie era. Sorry, Mr. Hooper. It’s a horror film, not a documentary. I’ve been to seven funerals where the same thing happened, just this week. She didn’t even go for the brains of her friends. She just twitched a little. What a relief!

Texas Chain Saw Massacre- the Meal

Happy Thanksgiving!

Finally, there’s the meal scene. The family gathers together to break some bread, and maybe some head, with their new friend. Even though she rudely screams with terror throughout the entire meal (another repast killer, just like Mr. Hurt!), the family politely ignores her hysteria, even tries to laugh it off with a pleasant game of mallets n’ skulls. Hey! Lady! They’re trying to feed you, not eat you! Try walking to work through Chelsea, and see if you get the same consideration. Better yet, don’t. My ears belong to jazz, not your endless screaming.

No, Jazz Fans, “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” isn’t scary. In fact, given the current state of things, it’s heartwarming. A family picture, wherein lethal lunatics who love each other come together, young and old, for a tasty meal. And isn’t that what Thanksgiving is all about?

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Jimmy Rudolph, “7500” Flight from Hell?

7500” has a new passenger– me. I hope Jerry Ferrara doesn’t steal all the neck pillows.

Yes, Jazz Fans, your old pal Jimmy Rudolph will be seen in the upcoming CBS films’ “7500“,  a family tale about a non-stop flight to hell (and back? I don’t know, my agent hasn’t read the script.) I’ll be third passenger on the left in Aisle 49. I’m the guy that keeps asking for peanuts– totally improvised, by the way.

Sure, it’s grueling hours on a claustrophobic set, and they’re using real blood instead of squibs. Sure, Amy Smart keeps coming onto me, and the director keeps throwing sushi at me. (Damn Koreans.) But frankly, fans, it’s a zombie free set, and I’m appreciating the opportunity to let my hair down, put my feet up and relax. Only my hair doesn’t go down so much as out anymore, putting my feet up would ruin the continuity, and I need to act terrified for seventeen hours a day, since Kim Jong Il doesn’t know the English word for “cut.”

Take heart, New York– I’ll be back on Monday with a new episode of Zombie Radio Show, if the plane doesn’t crash. In the meantime, please buy any products you see advertised on CBS, and send your care packages to CBS studios in LA– J-Bo will only eat them in you send them to New York.

Plane at Bad Angle

Jimmy Flies Flight 7500

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